Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Coming soon to a classroom near you!



Texas schools are now allowing teachers to carry weapons into class to curb school violence.
WONDERFUL
If it were to happen here in Australia, this is what a classroom would look like tomorrow.


Why ?


Because parents wouldnt be insane enough to allow there kids into a class with a gun in it.






So what is to be the outcome of this proposal. Yes, kids will think twice about talking back to the teacher and on the PLUS side of things i can see a whole new group of people can apply to become teachers.


It seems the education system caught on that there was a market out there for gun totting fanatics who are unemployed and looking for work.


All the racists were busy applying to work for border security & the pedofiles for the Catholic Church so i can see why they aimed elsewhere.


So meet your kids future 5th grade teacher below!



Who hates the AAMI girl ? I hate the AAMI girl !

If i were the advertiseing company looking after the company this would be the next print ad.


Sunday, August 17, 2008

Bolton FC

New season, new aspirations.

Towards the end of last season fans like myself were just aspiring to see bolton play premier league football once again the following year. Well it happened and a new season is upon us.

After the performance against Stoke I am concerned and have reason to, the defence had a few brain snaps, after going ahead by 3 goals Bolton switched off. But positives were found.

The midfield looks good with Mubamba in the centre with Nolan, and Elmander showed he is not shy of running for any ball. Davies is Davies as usual, always to be counted on.

Another quality striker would be a dream, i know Riga has not played yet so im unsure of his quality, if i had it my way id probably get Shevchenko on loan from Chelsea, im sure Anelka could help us out and whisper a few things into his ear.

That probably wont happen tho, Bolton will make do with what small squad they have, just dont be surprised if you see the ball boy getting a start up front later in the season.

Fingers crossed for a good showing this time round.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Who's The Sexiest Country

Ive nicked the stats below from MSN, added bits and cut useless stuff out.

Everyone has their own theory on which country is the best to find love, who the sexiest people are and who are more susceptible to falling into bed. However, to avoid using crude national stereotypes, statistics dont lie!

And what could be more scientific than culling random statistics from various dubious global surveys and reports? Here's exactly what to expect around the world ...

Munks

Greece
According to a 2005 global survey conducted by condom brand Durex, Greece is the sexiest nation on earth. Respondents averaged out at 138 bouts of passion every year, which is well above the global average of 103. Croatia came in second with 134 and the Japanese may as well take vows of chastity.

Portugal
Portuguese men are the least shallow people on earth, according to a 2006 poll by Harlequin Enterprises. Nearly half said that intelligence is the major turn-on for them, so women should prepare to engage in stimulating debate rather than heave up the cleavage.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Australian men came rock bottom on this one. Better still with the Portuguese, you can tee them up online before you go — 50 percent said Internet dating was a good way of meeting someone.

Dog

Germany
Don't expect to spring too many surprises in Germany — they start them early over there. According to the 2005 Durex survey, the average German starts sex education at the tender age of 11.3. Which means that by the age the Vietnamese start (16) the Germans are probably fully aware of even the trickiest Kama Sutra positions. In a huge shock result, the Germans are the ones most obsessed with a partner having a sense of humour; 70 percent of German women said it was the key factor in initial attraction (Harlequin Enterprises, 2006).

The Maldives
It's one of the most romantic locations on earth, but the chances of it lasting with a local aren't good. The Maldives hs the world's highest divorce rate, and by a long stretch. There are an incredible 10.97 new divorcees per 1000 inhabitants every year, according to the United Nations. Libya is the best place to head for something permanent — the corresponding figure there is 0.24.

Bear

Iceland
Before disappearing off for a night of sordid lust in Iceland, make sure you do an ID check. According to the 2005 Durex survey, the average Icelander loses their virginity at the age of 15.6. It's a much safer bet in India, with cherries popping at the age of 19.8.

Italy
The idea of the romantic Casanova stops the minute you're taken back to his place, and have to deal with his mum. Italy has an astonishingly high rate of children staying in the parental home until they get married — over 23 percent of 30 to 34-year-olds are still there (IRP/ CRN, 1998).
Turkey
If you prefer your lover to be thoroughly road-tested, head to Turkey. According to the 2005 Durex survey, Turkey is the most promiscuous nation on earth, with the average Turk having had 14.5 sexual partners. However, Australia does manage to put in a sterling effort here, finishing second with 13.3. And to think Australians have a reputation for being easy...

Rabbit

Venezuela
For sheer, outright gorgeous women, drooling males should head to Venezuela. The country boasts five winners of Miss World — more than any other nation on earth.

Norway
If there's one place to make sure you bring a big box of condoms to, it's Norway; 53 percent of the population claims to be unsatisfied with the amount of sex they're getting (Durex, 2005). And then it's probably best to get checked out afterwards. Norway has the dubious honour of being the place where most people have unprotected sex — 73 percent according to the same poll. Greece is second with 70 percent. Unsurprisingly, Norwegians also top the Sexually Transmitted Infection league table — 21 percent admit to having had one. And, to round off what is emerging to be a pretty seedy reputation, Norway wins at one-night stands too — 70 percent of the survey respondents have had one.

Kitten

Poland
Meanwhile, the Poles are either very safety-conscious or lying through their teeth. Only four percent admitted to having caught an STI. Quite how such conscientious use of condoms tallies with the country's strong Catholicism isn't clear.

Pacific Islands
Shallow types looking for partners with a svelte build should avoid the South Pacific — eight of the 10 fattest countries on earth can be found there. Nauru comes top of the portly potential pick-up list, with 95 percent of the population overweight according to the World Health Organisation. Next are the Federated States of Micronesia, then the Cook Islands, Tonga, Niue, Samoa and Palau.

Squirl

China
China is the place to go if you want to look good. Only 22 percent of people there are contented with their sex life (Durex, 2005), which means a bit of talent could go a long, long way. A tougher task awaits in Belgium, where people are broadly happy with what they're getting (57 percent). However, it is the place to go if you're after a lengthy session — 15 percent of tried tantric sex, a figure way ahead of anywhere else. Curiously, the Chinese are also by far the most likely to have joined the Mile High Club — nine percent claim to have done the dirty on a plane.

Bird

So whats to gather from all of the above, we Australians really need to pick up our game, but im just thankful we are not from Norway!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The farce that is 7's Olympic Coverage

Im in a very bad mood, ive taken a day or more to cool down but im still not happy with the Australian Advertising Agency that is Channel 7.

Im a keen football fan and ive watched hundreds upon hundreds of games, too many to count even, however, for the first time in history that i can recall i witnessed ad's being placed randomly throughout a football match which was said to be "Live" . . .

Yes as we were running down the left flank ready to pass to a central midfielder CUT "Are you interested in a waterproof laptop, Libby Lenton has one!"

As we get behind the ball to defend another Argentinian onslaught at goal CUT "Thankyou to all the mums who helped all kids reach there sporting goals"

Finally gaining possession and getting a pass together CUT "McDonalds, a proud partner . . . "

Now i have nothing against the mum's of sport or Libby Lentons laptop, but surly the 20 minute half time period is enough of a gap to plug both of these things and not every 20 minutes throughout the game.

The case above is just one example involving football, if i sat here and commented on every other sport that had Lentons laptop making an appearance every 20 minutes id be here all night.

Praise the gods of TV tho because next olympics Foxtel will have the rights. Yes i know many people will miss out but its a sacrifice that has to be made to ensure coverage is atleast on par with international standards.

Oh and 7 , next time you spruke an event as being live, please ensure it is live and not a feed thats an hour late, thats what they call a delayed telecast people. If its not within 5 minutes of the event occuring then its not live.

A slap on the wrist for 7, but the olympic coverage isnt over yet and a spanking may be needed if this continues.

Oh and as i type this, well done SBS who have managed to get it right, currently 72-72 China vs Spain in Basketball, overtime needed, and not an add during play in sight.

Gold Medal - SBS
Silver Medal - The Sydney Morning Herald Online
Bronze Medal - Internet blogs complaining about 7
Wooden Spoon - David Leckie

Monday, August 11, 2008

Where has the romance gone ?

After a night out on the town i noticed a few things that irked me, the most alarming of which ? Romance is dead! or atleast its slowly dying a horrible death.

Exhibit A )

Manners :

When i enter a room i usualy do hold the door open for a la'amour who may be entering, i dont expect a thankyou but usually i get a nod of approval or a thanks but alas this is no more, infact i get weird looks from women who fear i may be up to something!

"Beware the pervert opening doors for women!"

Ill assume thats whats whispered between those in the room.

Exhibit B)

Sweet Chastity :

Once upon a time, we would persue the love of a woman by whispering sweet nothings into her ear, writing poetry or song for her. Women were wooed for some time before finally she accepted your love and the happily ever after part comes after that.

Today however, the persuit is much shorter and usually involves consuming as much alcohol as possible until courage is used to ask her back to your place. Morning after ? Regret kicks in sometimes, other times a quick goodbye is said and the cycle continues.

Not all love is dead, people will marry, have children, love them, live happily etc . . .

There are a few of us who still believe in these principles and thankfully they still remain.

But its not what it was, Ze moon! Ze June! Ze spoon! C'est l'amour!! C'est toujours!

I hope im wrong.

Another Google Street Catastrophy!

Getting blind drunk after a funeral some guy colapses on a front lawn with a photo taken by the google car some hours later.

Last week when Google launched its Street View tool for Google Maps, that picture was on display for anyone with an internet connection to see. It has since been taken down after it was flagged by users.

Google Guy

"I'm not too happy about it - I mean, I shouldn't have been there in the state that I was in but I wasn't really thinking there would be someone driving past with a video camera on the roof filming me either," Bill, who spends around 10 months of the year fishing off Darwin, said via satellite phone.

The issue highlights some of the concerns voiced by privacy activists, who say that while Street View is a great tool for armchair explorers, people are not given the choice of whether they or their houses appear on the site.

Honestly, as sympathetic as i am for a mate dying it has nothing to do with Google Street and if you so happen to decide to lay down on the grass for a few hours then any number of people can take as many photos as they want, if privact was wanted then thats what a bed it for.

This reminds me of a friend Ben who got drunk with us in QLD, we lost him, came home in the morning where he told us he woke up in a gutter covered in rice, about 3 kilos worth! Who knows how many people took his photo however we know of one as we found him on a website some months later.

So to the guy who was caught by google, just be thankful it was not any worse, this could have been you!

drunk

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Olympics : Australia vs Argentina

"No dont pass me the ball" "you keep it" "no you keep it" "no i dont want it"

For a good 15minutes that was what was said between the Argentinian defence.

It was billed as david vs golaith. The current gold medal holders against a bunch of part timers coached by a failed national coach. To be honest Australia were lucky to loose by only 1 goal, Argentina were not very sharp infront of goal.

After around the fifteen minute mark i got sick of the blatant bias comentator channel 7 had hired and put my TV on mute. Football goes surprisingly well with a soundtrack of Groove Armada.

The most annoying aspect of the game was a fifteen minute period just after Argentina scored where it seemed nobody on either team wanted the ball so 3 players spent a good while just passing it to each other more casualy than in a training session. Finally after enough booing from the crowd Argentina actually decided to do something with it.

It was not all bad tho, a few Australians did well and worked hard, Neil Kilkenny and Matthew Spiro to name a few. Spiro i believe has the potential to be one of our best ever defenders surpassing even Lucas Neill. Its a big call but quote me now.

Spiro

Spiro above playing for FC Nurnburg in Germany.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Lets Go Shopping

Ok, i saw a list of the fastest selling grocery items in Australia today, so i thought id post it. No real reason why i am i just wanted to. oh and chilled babyfood is either being bought in bulk or at a 790% increase in sales, the cost of petrol realy is hitting people, i know id rather eat babyfood for a year than live without my plasma tv, ipod and broadband internet connection and it seems others may agree.

1 Chilled baby foods (sales up 790 per cent between 2006 and 2007);
2 Fresh soups (up 43 per cent);
3 Drinks - sports/ energy (up 32);
4 Olive oil (28);
5 Foot care (24);
6 Instant coffee (18);
7 Dairy dips (17);
8 Ice cream (16);
9 Hosiery (16);
10 Canned fruit (16);
11 Bottled water (15);
12 Mouthwash (14);
13 Frozen meals (14);
14 Fresh milk - flavoured (14);
15 Fresh pasta and sauce (13).

Friday, August 8, 2008

Goodle Street

So Google Street was launched a few days ago and already people are complaining, over here in Australia an entire city decided they did not want to be a part of the whole thing so stuck signs on all there roads saying "Do not enter" hopeing the guy in the google car would skip them, well he didnt, aparently he saw the signs, was told not to take the photos but thought what the hell and took them anyway. BooHoo.

Other people are complaining its an invasion of privacy to stand on the street (government owned) and take a picture of there house. Using there way of thought, if a man walks down there street and turns and looks at your house, he is invading your privacy, so take him to court!

I guess there is a fine line here, if google launched "Google House" and decided to take photos of everyones lounge and kitchen then people could say its an invasion of privacy, take a photo of the front lawn and people say its not an invasion.

Mind you Google Earth has been around for a year or so now and that shows an arial view of most front and backyards so if people are going to complain, why not back then.

All i know is that atleast one guy has a right to complain after Google snaped his car out the front of his ex girlfriends house. Ouch!

Im peeved because my house was not photographed. Is it too trashy for Google Street or something ? Why my street and not the one aligned next to mine ? Do we smell ? or did the Google Car just decide a street of one story suburban brick homes was just the same as another and didnt worry. Either way i want answers . . .

Im Out
Matt

About Me

Ok i should atleast give a little info on who i am.

Im Matt White a 26 year old Australian coasting my way through life. By coasting i mean i manage to successfuly navigate it (all 26 years thus far) without any major accomplishments or problems. Altho i did win a teachers choice award in grade six, hmmm moving on,

I love in Sydney Australia, work full time in Banking, the irony being i profoundly sucked at math and still do, however luckily for me most jobs today are so mundane due to automation all thats required is basic computer knowledge.

Im a nester (at home with parents) and proud of it, as a result of my selfishness in staying home and not renting or buying property i have every tech gadget around, plasmas, ipods, blue ray, PS3, el tal . .

If i had to quickly list any passions of mine, soccer would be the number one with a bullet, both playing and following, oh god help my beloved Bolton FC. Massive movie buff, collect dvd's i have hundreds.

Most of my blogs will either be on topic of interest to me such as soccer, movies, music, television etc and mostly me bitching and moaning on how incompedent people managed to completly f*#k up and chance they had of a career in the above industrys knowing fully well i couldnt do any better.

Need to know any more, then ask . . .

Ciao People
Matt

Welcome

Welcome to the utter time wasting ramblings of Matt (Me) which will be be kept on this page
until im either blocked from use or i grow bored and abandon the whole thing.

Right now im feeling that if i get to say my tenth blog and not one person has even viewed it then the whole internet blog world is just way out of my league.

Oh and by the way, i am quite possibly the worst speller this side of the hemisphere (Southern)
id say worst in the world but if you include all those people who have bigger problems than reading and writing (ie - third world hunger) then in perspective my bad spelling isnt exactly a huge issue.

Feel free to berate me with abusive correctley spelt language at any timeit starts to annoy you.

Until Later
Peace
Matt